You know your life is a soap opera when…

This is actually the title of a book. No juicy stories from my soap opera life here.

“You know your life is a soap opera if…” is the title of a book by Gerry Wagget published by Hyperion and Soapnet.com.

If you have ever spent your afternoons in front of the telly watching anything from Dynasty to The Bold and Beautiful, All My Children, Dallas, General Hospital, Neighbours, Eastenders, Coronation Street, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy (yes I consider both these series soaps too) or any one of the numerous Spanish, Mexican or Brazilian soap operas, you’d be able to identify with this book.

This book was written in a very light tongue in cheek manner and is made out of various excerpts inspired by the many soap operas the writer has viewed. Anyone leading a soap opera kind of life would at any one point exclaim “Oh my God! That’s so true!”

For me however, who generally leads a humdrum life, I just found it a little light entertaining read. Here are some excepts from the book to give you a taste of whats in it:

On hiring house help:

the gardener

The groundskeeper can mow the lawn and weed the garden. You are hiring this particular kid because you want to spend the summer looking at some shirtless seventeen-year-old working up a sweat in your backyard (Since you don’t have any horses ir would be really suspicious for you to hire a stable boy). When you do finally cross the line with your teenaged gardener, be discreet. The ladder he uses to prune the hedges should not always be propped up to your bedroom window. And you can’t have him coming by every afternoon. Seriously, how fast do you think grass grows?

You know you are carrying a soap baby if…

You’ll inherit $300 million if you can give birth before midnight New Year’s Eve.

When called to testify in court

Avoid answering with a simple “yes” or “no”

The district attorney and even the judge may admonish you to answer the questions posed to you with a simple “Yes” or “No”. as if you’d allow anyone to write your dialogue. When the prosecutor asks if you were acquainted with the deceased, a simple “Yes” is painfully forgettable. The proper response to such an inquiry is: “Yes, I knew that monster, and he deserved what he got”.

Also, “A coma is no excuse for bad hair and makeup” Isn’t that so true? Every character on tv is always so perfectly madeup and coiffed including those lying in a coma. A very acute observation.

The book carries on in this light hearted vein. Its written from a woman’s point of view but then most soap opera viewers are women anyway. In some observations, you might recognise the many soaps that have the same running theme.

All in all, its a pretty entertaining read. I had it by my bedside table for bedtime reading and finished it in 2 days. Quite brainless stuff, yet amusing if you are taking a break from heavy reading. Definitely a good stocking stuffer for any soap opera fan.

“You know your life is a soap opera if…” retails for $16.95 and is available online (just do a search there are tons of companies carrying it and since I’m not affiliated to any its not fair to just name one).

Some other Related posts: